Peace Within

I'm writing to check in, lest it seems that I have disappeared! Not exactly, but I did recently begin an online course, which is my first attempt at anything academic in quite awhile. It feels like a whole new territory: juggling class, reading, and homework with the daily ins and outs of having a rambunctious toddler in the house (two on my nanny days). Needless to say, what "free time" I have has mostly involved this new venture. But, like anything, even an exciting new pursuit needs sanity breaks, and so I am thrilled to be writing again.

What's new of late? Well, my little boy turned one in April, and with that milestone I officially have a little walker in the house! Toddling, crashing into everything, but so determined to get everywhere on foot. Thank goodness for summer and a big huge park across the street! I have also come to a point - finally - where I can sense some peace in my heart at the thought of adding to our family in the near future. Besides my utter fear after a traumatic birth the first time around, we had decided it would be prudent to try and wait until my husband got on the career path he was aiming for. Now that we have that piece in place, it seems a little easier to envision another child in the picture. I have come to the realization that no matter how scared I feel at the prospect of being pregnant again, it will probably require having another human being inside me for real love to enter the picture and cast out the fear. Plus, I know that I am very, very lucky to be able to conceive and bear children, and that's nothing to take lightly. I would love to give my son the gift of siblings. So, another baby may or may not be imminent, but it's a relief to finally feel some peace about the whole thing.

I'll write more soon. A blessed Memorial Day to all!

What I Wore Sunday

Happy Feast of the Holy Trinity!! Linking up with Fine Linen and Purple.

We attended the vigil Mass again, so this is technically what I wore Saturday. I'm one of the cantors at our parish, and I love love love serving in that way. I've been a singer my whole life (studied voice performance in college, currently sing with the Chicago Symphony Chorus), and I have never enjoyed using my gifts so much as I do as a volunteer in our parish, helping to create a meaningful, reverent liturgy. It's so fulfilling! It also gives me a chance to really focus; usually I'm sitting with my squirmy daughter, and I'm still having trouble paying attention to anything else but her. My husband likes having that quality time with her, too. Win-win-win.

Today I'm beginning a do-it-yourself retreat in preparation for Marian consecration to Jesus. The book is called 33 Days to Morning Glory, and I'm ending the retreat on June 27, the feast of Our Lady of Perpetual Help (or should I say "haaaaalp"?). I thought that would be a good one for moms; perpetual job, perpetual help? And also it's the next Marian feast and I wanted to get started! I'm going to post reflections here, so stay tuned! And let me know if you're reading along!

And now, the purpose of the post:

Details, top to bottom:
Necklace: cross from my hubby, St. Gerard medal from my pastor (just before Anne was born)
Cardigan: Merona via Target, several years ago
T-shirt: Cynthia Rowley via Marshall's
Belt: Target (it has a cool tribal-looking pattern... on the back.)
Skirt: Studio West via Zulily
Shoes: C. Label via Zulily

Happy Memorial Day!

What I Wore Sunday

Linking up for the first time with Fine Linen and Purple!

This weekend we were all at Notre Dame celebrating my sister-in-law's graduation from college. CONGRATULATIONS, CAITI!!! We are so excited for her, and even more excited that she's going to graduate school in the Chicago suburbs! Mass was on Saturday afternoon, and I couldn't help but think how perfect it is to be celebrating graduation on Pentecost. I could practically see the tongues of flame coming to rest over the mortarboards on all the graduates' heads. We also had the privilege of hearing Timothy Cardinal Dolan of New York speak at commencement; his speech was very moving, and he spoke so tenderly of Our Lady.

Our duds were decidedly more fancy than usual given the special occasion, and here's the best pic I could find:

Navy dress: Ralph Lauren via Marshall's (faux wrap = perfect for nursing)
Baby dress: Target!

...and nothing else is pictured. I'll do better next time, I promise.

He who made the promise is trustworthy.

Therefore, brothers and sisters, since through the blood of Jesus
we have confidence of entrance into the sanctuary
by the new and living way he opened for us through the veil, that is, his flesh,
and since we have a great high priest over the house of God.
let us approach with a sincere heart and in absolute trust,
with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience
and our bodies washed in pure water.
Let us hold unwaveringly to our confession that gives us hope,
for he who made the promise is trustworthy.
-Hebrews 10:19-23

The above portion of the second reading from the Feast of the Ascension yesterday reminded me of a recurring thought I've been having over the past couple of weeks. In difficult moments with my daughter, I find myself wishing I was armed with the promises of Christ; bits of memorized Scripture that I could quote aloud to myself when I feel my own strength is not cutting it. I have a few great ones at my disposal: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! All things work together for good for those that love Him! The Lord is my strength and my song! But I wish I had more. I wish the promises of God were written on my heart, so that when I felt overwhelmed, I could just speak the Psalms aloud, or hear St. Paul's words of encouragement.

Instead of just wishing, I'd like to do something about it! I'd like to dig in deeper, to read Scripture daily, and to work on memorizing some passages that will come to my mind when all that seems to come now is, "Help!" Not that God can't answer that prayer, too. But He gave us His word for a reason, right? What a wonderful gift, and how sad to leave it on a shelf gathering dust!

What Scripture passages are most encouraging to you in difficult moments? I'd like to start a "to-memorize" list. What do you think I should include?

Not For This Earth

The whole country is feeling totally overwhelmed and crushed by the many tragic events of last week. It's times like these that reinforce what we already know, that having kids in a world like this is serious stuff. 

Why would we want more people to worry about, more people to subject to such horror? It's easy to understand why, for so many, the mere idea of bringing children into such a violent and inhumane society is unthinkable. I know a number of people who claim to never want kids for this reason. 

This life is a broken, broken road: thank God we have the next one to look forward to. For whatever reason, we are called to be in the world for awhile, and to make our time count. But it helps to remember, in times like these, that that's not all. Acknowledging the smallness of earthly things might be the best argument I know for being open to having children. We have to remember that our kids are so much more than little bodies in a terrifying world. They are eternal souls. And so, in creating them, regardless of the amount of time they spend on an earth rife with sorrow, we can still give them the greatest gift. Life and love unbounded for all eternity.

I have a friend who lost a family member this week in the tragedy in Texas. I don't know much about him, but I know that he died a hero, and that he had a small child at home. What incredible sadness, and what a wonderful legacy. Because of the many people he helped and because he gave a child life, this man will continue to live on in his family and in his town. I see courage exemplified in many ways in a man I never knew.

One thing is for sure. We were not made for this earth. Sometimes it's a beautiful place and sometimes it's a disaster, which brings it all back to my favorite word: perspective. How often I forget and lose perspective, but it all makes so much more sense when we keep an eye on the eternal.

Easter Tidings

Just checking in to say hello and Happy Easter season! I, for one, am pretty excited to finally be out of the desert of Lent and into a time of birth and new life. No matter what I renounce or commit to for Lent, each year God has some plans of His own to throw into the mix, and it is always a greater challenge than I expect. Two years ago, it was a rocky patch during engagement and marriage preparations. Last year, Lent was my third trimester of pregnancy, with a due date of Easter Sunday (the birth date turned out to be quite awhile later than the due date, but that's a story for another time!). And this Lent, of course, was rife with trials of its own, starting with the whole family sharing a brutal stomach bug, and ending with some great challenges in the practice of NFP. But, it looks like we've made it into the next season relatively intact! Easter arrived as always, with great joy and alleluias. My husband and I even made it down to Florida for a few days for our first baby-free vacation.

Spring has yet to arrive in full swing in Chicago, but the grass in the park is noticeably greener, and all the rain does seem to be giving way to some tiny crocuses and daffodils. Easter comes so appropriately at this time of seasonal transition. Just as winter has a stark beauty of its own, so Lent prepares the way for this season of joy. A blessed Easter time to all!

Revive + Replenish, Part 6: Sacraments

This post is part of our series of Lenten reflections for 2013, focusing on ways that we can nourish ourselves as mothers so that we are better able to serve and bring light to our families, friends, and all the others we come in contact with. 



Earlier this week I had the opportunity to attend the Lenten Reconciliation service at church. Each time I receive Reconciliation, I wonder why it always takes me so long to go back. What is more refreshing than a clean slate? There is so much hope in starting new. Just to have the time alone, to reflect in a beautiful space on what it is about my life I'd most like to amend, was a blessing. Often in daily life, it's hard to see the forest for the trees; but what a different perspective it is to step back and evaluate life as a whole. The Sacraments of the Church invite us to do just that. Each Sacrament allows us to participate in something so much greater than ourselves, that we can't help but come away with a new perspective. Oddly enough, I came away from the service praising God for the trials and difficult patches that have come and will come; quite an unexpected change from the burdened spirit with which I entered. I actually felt thankful that this life is not easy but real, rich and full.

As part of my penance, the priest asked me to "scan your life and pray for the person who most needs your prayers". May we all take a moment each day to scan our lives, and when possible, receive the Sacraments to help us do it. The perspective that will come is life-changing.

"Lord, your love reaches to heaven; your fidelity, to the clouds. Your justice is like the highest mountains; your judgments, like the mighty deep; all living creatures you sustain, Lord."
Psalm 36: 6-7