Revive + Replenish, Part 5: Little Things

This post is part of our series of Lenten reflections for 2013, focusing on ways that we can nourish ourselves as mothers so that we are better able to serve and bring light to our families, friends, and all the others we come in contact with. 



Sometimes it really is the littlest things that make the biggest difference.

As we prepared for marriage, a counselor in our church gave us a great piece of advice. "Each morning and each evening," he said, "give each other a ten-second kiss." Such a simple idea, it seems almost silly. But in the thick of life, as jobs and stress and family and baby have swept in and changed the face of our marriage, that ten-second kiss has been a foundation to return to. It's short enough that you can't think of a legitimate excuse to skip it, but long enough that even if you're angry or stressed or tired, you can't help but get into it. It's a fabulous quick fix in times when we are struggling to connect.

This is one small way that we help to revive and replenish each other, when we don't feel like we have the time or energy for anything else. A hug that lasts an extra second, a 60-second shoulder massage, a quick squeeze of my hand (or my booty!). Almost - but definitely not - effortless, these are the tiny-big things that carry us through the day-to-day.

Find an opportunity today to show affection to your spouse in some small way; I bet you'll be amazed at how easy it is and what a difference it makes.

"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much." -Luke 16:10

Revive + Replenish, Part 4: Prayer (Kathleen's Take)

This post is part of our series of Lenten reflections for 2013, focusing on ways that we can nourish ourselves as mothers so that we are better able to serve and bring light to our families, friends, and all the others we come in contact with. 



"Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours." 
Mark 11:24

Sometimes I, like many of us, find prayer to be a frustrating experience. I often feel like I should be doing more in the way of personal prayer. If I try to pray before bed, I usually fall asleep. If I try to converse with God at Mass, my rowdy toddler always finds some way to interrupt. Usually I manage to have the best prayer conversations when I'm out for a walk or a run. But my favorite method, which I find to be so accessible and reassuring, is to make all of life a prayer. On days when I can do nothing else, I can offer up each part of my day, asking the Lord to use it to bless someone or something else. Truly, the grace of ordinary moments can transform when we lift those moments up.

Additionally, in times of great uncertainty, I have always found peace through following a chaplet or novena. Each time I have turned to these prayers, I have received a very clear sign of prayer being granted. I first experienced this when I was in high school and my youngest brother was undergoing treatment for a life-threatening medical condition. I began a novena to St. Therese, the Little Flower, while the outcome of the treatment remained uncertain. St. Therese is often depicted holding roses, and at the time I had a fetish, if you will, for yellow roses. On the last day of the novena, I drove to a nearby chapel which offered perpetual Adoration, and was immediately drawn to my knees when I saw that the vase adorning the altar that day contained a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses! In that moment I knew and was filled with great peace that our family was being taken care of. More than eleven years have passed, and my brother remains in good health. 

More recently I had a similar experience with the Divine Mercy Chaplet following Ryan's birth, when he spent just over two weeks in Intensive Care. My husband and I felt incredibly helpless throughout the experience, so we would stop at the hospital's chapel each day on our way back from lunch in the cafeteria and pray for our son. Eric would play a hymn on the piano and we would often say a decade of the Rosary together, and it was during one of these visits that we stumbled upon a booklet with the Chaplet. We felt that we were supposed to pray it and that sometime during the course of the nine days, Ryan would be discharged from the hospital (we had no indication at this point of when we would be able to bring him home). It came as little surprise to us that within the first few days, he was able to have his oxygen and feeding tube removed, and shortly thereafter, on the seventh day of the Chaplet, our sweet boy came home with us. 

My heart overflows with thankfulness to recall these times. As life's challenges are real, so too is prayer real and powerful! I once heard a priest preach that in God, "nothing is ever lost". No moment of our lives needs to be wasted as we always have the opportunity to lift each day up in prayer. However and whenever we pray, we can know with certainty that our voice is heard and our needs are met.

Revive + Replenish, Part 3: Prayer (Elizabeth's take)

This post is part of our series of Lenten reflections for 2013, focusing on ways that we can nourish ourselves as mothers so that we are better able to serve and bring light to our families, friends, and all the others we come in contact with. 



The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.

-Psalm 19:1-4

This past Sunday I sang in our church choir. This is not a regular thing for me, although I love to sing; I just love attending Mass as a family. I had to leave a little earlier in order to make it for pre-Mass rehearsal, so I walked the six blocks by myself. It was a beautiful clear morning, and I found myself praying out loud, just praising God for the gifts in my life. This has been a hard month for us, not in any huge way, just in a string of small-ish ways. My husband and daughter have both been fighting colds. My daughter is going through what seem to be never-ending developmental changes that I can barely keep up with. It's hard, but above all, deeply good. I praised God for giving me a supportive spouse with whom I can leave my baby for an hour or two without a trace of worry. I praised Him for the gift of the seasons, even the ones we don't particularly love (late winter, anyone?), because they make us appreciate the ones we do love. I praised Him for allowing me the luxury of staying home to focus on my vocation as wife and mother.

And then I turned my focus outward, praying for others. For friends and family in all kinds of different situations, asking God to meet their needs and be present to them. One by one I prayed for the people who are important to me. My rhythmic steps on the sidewalk a meditation, the sunshine and cool air crystallizing my prayers and drawing them to Heaven. I breathed a little more deeply, allowing the Holy Spirit to minister to me.

I have always felt most deeply connected to God through Creation. "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." I sense my Creator's deep love for me in the great beauty that is all around, that is all too easy to glide by in the course of our busy lives.  I invite you to take ten minutes this week to walk outside, admiring the beauty of late winter, forgetting to look at your phone, talking to no one but the One who made you. Pray in thanksgiving for your blessings, offer up the concerns of those you love, and pray for the cardinals gathered in Rome, that the Holy Spirit would guide them as they choose the next leader of our Church.

Revive + Replenish, Part Two: Fellowship

This post is part of our series of Lenten reflections for 2013, focusing on ways that we can nourish ourselves as mothers so that we are better able to serve and bring light to our families, friends, and all the others we come in contact with. 



"If there is any encouragement in Christ, any solace in love, any participation in the Spirit, any compassion and mercy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, with the same love, united in heart, thinking one thing."
Philippians 2:1-2

We are not alone. As much as it can feel that way on a long winter day in the house, for every high and low we experience as mothers, someone has been there before and someone will be there after. It's liberating and healthy to share the joys as well as the challenges with someone who understands. For this reason, we need other women friends on the journey, and in particular other mothers. There are so many aspects to parenting that are taboo in normal adult conversation (labor, delivery, breastfeeding, diapers...). I've found that if I can't make light of these things with someone who gets it, I will start to resent my role as a mom. 

What's more, becoming "united in heart" with other mothers elevates our call to raising a generation of faithful people. Without good friendships to hold me accountable, I would undoubtedly grow complacent in my vocation. Even if it's just a phone call, text, or email of encouragement, my day suddenly has more meaning when it involves communicating with a good friend. Fellowship refers to this accountability-friendship with others pursuing the same goal. Make it a priority! Check in often and take the time to maintain communication, however small it may be. Getting all wrapped up in motherhood is so much more of a joy when it's shared. Having women friends to lean on is so good for our sanity.

Vocation is a paradox, how it's both personal and communal. What starts in the small unit of the family has the potential to reach so much farther, if we allow it to. One way to nourish our vocations and ourselves is by staying connected to others on the same path. So this Lent and in the years ahead, let us allow ourselves to be revived and replenished by the fellowship in our lives.

"But she will be saved through motherhood, provided women persevere in faith and love and holiness, with self-control."
1 Timothy 2:15

Revive + Replenish, Part One: Caring For Your Body

This post is part of our series of Lenten reflections for 2013, focusing on ways that we can nourish ourselves as mothers so that we are better able to serve and bring light to our families, friends, and all the others we come in contact with. 



In my three short months of motherhood, I have learned that taking care of my body is more important, difficult, and pleasurable than ever before. Caring for my little girl is physically and emotionally exhausting, not to mention the constant second-guessing and trying to keep up with all her rapid developmental changes. If I neglect my own needs in favor of hers every time, I become a useless mess pretty quickly. It's tempting to tell myself that something else is more worthy of the time I spend making sure my needs are met. In reality, though, what my family needs is a healthy wife and mamma. When I play the martyr and neglect myself, everyone suffers. I start to snap at my husband, and I resent every little thing I do for someone else. Give me a nap, a bath, or a good meal, and I'm a new person. God provides for all of our needs, but like all gifts, we have to take hold of them with our own hands for them to do us any good.

Let's explore the ways in which the Shepherd cares for us (and invites us to care for ourselves).

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

Sleep is vital. Sometimes I still have to take a nap when my daughter does in the afternoon (especially if she's been keeping me up at night). I am much more pleasant and effective when I'm rested, and sometimes that means that there are days when I must choose sleep over something more exciting.

He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

The walking paths of righteousness, that is! Get outside in the fresh air for a walk every day, or do some simple stretches and deep breathing before bed. Exercise releases endorphins! Even if it's cold, getting outside for some sunshine and a walk around the block shakes the cobwebs out of my soul and refreshes me immensely. This may not be the time for marathon training, but certainly there is something I can do each day to get moving.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

Treat yourself to whole, healthy food and plenty of water. This is your body's basic fuel, and if you're breastfeeding, your baby's fuel, too. Fruits and vegetables, full-fat dairy, whole grains, omega-3-rich foods like wild salmon, nuts and seeds. If possible, don't give in to the temptation to use super-sugary foods for the quick energy boost; you know you pay for that later. (Don't cut out everything indulgent, though! Moderation is key!) Take a little time to plan meals at the beginning of the week, and prepare as much as you can ahead of time. Keep your fridge stocked with easy, healthy snacks: hummus and baby carrots, yogurt, trail mix, natural energy bars. Mix it up and have fun with trying new things.

You anoint my head with oil;

Most days, a quick shower is all I have time for. I have a really quick makeup routine (seriously, 3 minutes) that I try to do every day, even if I'm not going to see anyone. It makes me feel human. A few times a month, I try to make sure I do a little extra pampering. Run a really hot bath, light a couple of candles, sprinkle in some Epsom salts and lavender essential oil (homemade bath salts! so much cheaper!!), and soak for a while with my eyes closed. Give myself a manicure or pedicure. Do a deep-conditioning treatment on my hair or a clay mask on my face. Cucumber slices on my eyes? Why not?

My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

Pressed Down, Shaken Together, and Running Over

A friend of mine and her 10-month-old daughter came over for a quick visit this past weekend. I was reeling from a few less-than-restful nights in a row, and she could see the exhaustion all over my face. She asked me, "What do you need right now? From God, your husband, your daughter? What do you need?"

The question has stuck with me this week. I play so many roles: wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. I think it's all too easy to think constantly about what others need from me, and neglect to check in with the state of my soul. I run the risk of becoming depleted and ineffective when I don't nourish myself.

Before we parted ways, my dear friend grasped my hand and prayed that I would look full in my Savior's face and find everything I need there. With Lent just around the corner, I think I will make that my focus. My life is already replete with sacrifice at the moment, so I will rededicate myself to prayer, to reading God's Word, and to seeking out ways in which to care for myself so that I can better meet the many needs of those closest to me.

How do you fill up your "tank" when you feel empty? God promises to provide for us.

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." -Luke 6:38

This Too Shall Pass!

The last several days I've woken up to photos in my inbox from my parents, who are vacationing in Florida. Scenes of palm trees swaying in a warm ocean breeze seem quite a contrast when I turn my head and look out at the snow drifts that have been piling up for days. For a second I'm inclined to be jealous that I'm stuck in Chicago instead of on a sunny beach; but then something surprising has been happening. Now that I have a family, I find that in my heart I don't want to be anywhere but right here. 

Of course a day on the beach would be much appreciated, but I'm finding that it is possible to find beauty in the starkness of winter. I'm realizing that it's okay to just be in the midst of this season, knowing that it is a passing season and will soon give way to warmth and new life. As someone who typically struggles with the gray and cold each year, I'm surprised to feel such peace and assurance that we will all soon make it through.

So too with this "season" of parenting young children. Some days it's so difficult to even see through the exhausted haze, and in these moments it's certainly okay, admirable even, to commit to taking things one day at a time. I do think, though, that one of the gifts of parenthood is a little bit wider perspective, when we find the time to look. Maybe that's the reason that winter looks different this year, and I'm grateful for it.